crazy CHRIST craver

Being here in Texas with my kids is totally awesome, but is extremely hard as well. There is so much going on physically (running and playing and chasing and jumping), emotionally (love for my kids, frustration with their mother), and spiritually (an all out war as the darkness continues to fight for my children). Staying focused on Yahuah, and living in / by the Spirit while spending time with my kids and Rachel (their mom), is rough. I got the chance to put them to bed last night, and as I snuggled each of them so close, the emotions that I usually keep at a distance flooded my thinking and my eyes as the tears of so many mixed feelings dripped onto the blankets. After leaving the house last night I was fighting with thoughts of hatred and unforgiveness towards Rachel, and sitting here I’m seeing that some were mine, but the majority of what I was experiencing was being fed to me by the enemy. They were not my thoughts, but in the middle of everything that was going on my defenses were down, and the attack was subtle.

If you know me, or have read my testimony, you know that I have been separated from Rachel for a little less than two years. Being apart from her is not something that I ever wanted, but I when I was with her I could never do what God was calling me to do, because I would try to serve both God and my wife. Six months ago I had come down to see the kids, but the main focus of my trip was to see Rachel. I had spent hours in prayer over her, and was seeing a change in her behavior as result. This was not me attemping to manipulate her, but pushing back the darkness, the deceptions that had controlled her life. That week was the first time that I had ever been with Rachel that I did not give into her (or her rulers) and forsake my God. As I warred in the spirit over her through out the week I saw a sweet and genuine side of Rachel that I had never before seen, but it came to an end when she asked me to leave. I could see that there was a huge part of her that didn’t want me to go, but her rulers said that I had to, and so she agreed. The ground that I had taken through many hours of prayer, slowly slipped away over the next few weeks until she was again consumed by darkness.

It is so easy to be upset with Rachel, but I must continue to realize that I am not fighting against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, the powers and principalities, the dark things of this world. Yahuah has continued to use my relationship with Rachel to teach me this, and many other important lessons as well. I obviously have a ways to go, but Yahuah has begun to teach me about the authority, as well as the responsibility that we have in this earth.

We have been commissioned to have dominion over all that is in the earth bringing all things into subjection, setting the captives free, bringing sight to the blind and hearing to the deaf, making strong what is lame, loosing the chaines of bondage as we walk, overthrowing strongholds and reasonings and every high matter that exalts itself against the knowledge of Elahim, taking captive every thought to make it obedient to the Anointed One. This is what we have been called to do. This is what my life is about. All authority in heaven and earth was given to Yahushua, and He in turn gives that same authority to those who would follow after Him. This is what my walk is about: to learn how to live in Him, and walk in His authority and power. It’s never my authority, I am only an ambassador of the King, a dispensor of grace.

Master, teach us how to walk as you have called us, and to complete the works that you have prepared for us. Show us how to live and abide in you. Arm your servants with wisdom and understanding for battle. Cause us to be well disciplined soldiers in your army of Truth and Love. Father we need you. You are not a means to an end, but you are the end itself. You are my destination. You are my strong tower, my fortress, and my rock. You will never leave me nor forsake me. You lead me and guide me in all Truth, and empower me to live a life that is well pleasing in your sight. You are faithful, and you uphold your servant. You are the Almighty Elahim, my deliverer, my salvation; You are Yahuah, the Elahim of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; and the Creator of all things. You know my name, and you have called me for your purposes. Help me to walk in Your authority, and to use the weapons that you have given me. Help me in battle as I war against this gross darkness that covers the earth. Let your light shine brilliantly through Your servant. Let Your pressence go before me, and prepare the way. You have armed me for battle, now show me how to fight. O how I love you my Master, my Elahim. I praise Your set-apart name, Yahuah. Halleluyah!!!